This is the Ef Zin insight on Love that you practice and experience in the program “How to Energize Your Love“.
We seek love, scouring the horizon in search of that infamous connection which stands the test of time, a connection where trust allows us to expose ourselves intimately; both emotionally and physically. We sift through our friends, inspect our workplace, rummage our hobbies and resort to apps in hope of finding a remedy to our loneliness. We hope that love will hold a mirror to who we are and complete the reflection. Many experience true love, others relish in short-lived doses of love but most of us experience difficulty holding on to the love we once enjoyed.
Everyone can experience true love.
And contrary to what many say, it’s not a matter of lowering your expectations, but understanding them; making choices not on the basis of what seems to be but what truly is, to develop yourself and your relationship as an ongoing adventure rather than a fleeting thrill. Unfortunately, today we don’t realize that love isn’t “something” to be found; a final state we can “hold” on to and cherish. Like life itself, love is an activity that begins within you, it is cultivated, matured and energized by you – both of you. And you will not find the energy you seek in your partner because this energy does not reside in either of you individually – it is created by both of you in the way you interact with one another.
The beginning is always exciting because everything about the experience is new. And this is true of all new experiences in life because we are introduced to something different from us. Our partner is different from us simply because they are “other” than us – something we tend to forget at the beginning but also throughout the duration of our relationship. Different in the way they communicate and interact, the way they interpret feelings and behaviors, in the ideas and beliefs they hold and, most importantly, in the way they think and the way they perceive and react to your differences. The two partners represent two unique systems of thought.
Differences generate a spark, the nature of which changes with time, along with the changes we undergo as individuals. This spark may prove to be inspiring or frightening, demanding or easy-going, liberating or inhibiting, constructive or destructive and many more. The challenge we select (partner we like) is up to us and we need to be truthful in our choice. How we work through the differences is also up to us. Both determine the intensity of the spark but also the quality and the duration of the energy created. We need to keep our differences – in a healthy way – in order to keep the challenge inspiring. Differences are maintained when both partners retain their individuality; the challenge, along with the spark that follows, also remains when both parties continue to grow.
It is important that your interaction brings about a spark; that there is energy. If not, its like you are talking to yourself, listening to yourself, being with yourself – in fact it is like being alone. This happens when only one of you is developing and the other “silently” follows, or when neither of you is developing and you are both coexisting in “silence”. Perhaps you don’t like challenges at all because they may come with unpleasant surprises. However, in all of these cases the spark is weak and becomes weaker with time. Only if you embrace the challenges and allow for constructive “friction” between each others’ sparks, can you energize your love and keep moving forward; both developing and growing.
“For you may say generally that all desire of good and happiness is only the great and subtle power of love.” Plato
Relationships are difficult and keeping love energized even more so, as you already know. There are too many knots to untangle along the way; we are challenged as individuals not only by one another, but by life itself. The experience of living changes us in ways we don’t realize unless we examine ourselves as we journey on. Do you keep track of the changes – in yourself and your partner? Especially those that influence your way of thought; the way you make evaluations and choices, they way you interpret feelings and behaviors, the way in which you create meaning for yourself and the quality of your love?
The majority tend to believe that it is the natural course of love to wear out, forgetting that like life itself, the experience of love is as energized as the individuals that make up the relationship. Don’t miss out on love, don’t miss out on life; remain energized.
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